Loved what I DID, Owning what I'll DO

Who am I, as an employee?

A hard worker with open availability.
Presented with an opportunity to help others I am more than happy to help, taking on more hours or splitting my shifts or taking on close-opens or working when others find themselves personally (not professionally) unavailable. Sometimes I do this even at the expense of a timeline with personal projects on my own itinerary.

I am looking to learn, but I get frustrated when others have no passion to teach me.

Just the same, I’ve learned a lot. Maybe not as fast as I should, maybe not all that I should, maybe not in the expected timeline. But I’m willing to learn. I feel that to leave a student discouraged and isolated is not only unprofessional, but also demonstrates a severe personal flaw that one should seriously look at repairing.

I don’t talk about others behind their back.

I keep my judgments to myself. I do get discouraged when others can not pay the same courtesy. I may voice out concerns and comments in vague generalizations. This is not only to protect myself. I do this to protect others. I do not believe in sabotaging others in an effort to self serve, self gratify, or self promote. I certainly do not talk in a negative manner about others-- because they have different experience than I. They have different personal and professional resumes.

I feel professional development can be a joint effort. If I have the drive and I am struggling, professionally it is the obligation of others to help me identify the kink in my work. This will alleviate the likelihood of poor performance. Coincidentally this also promotes job satisfaction and success in general.

In fact, it might even provide job excellence. If everyone digs in to try. Really try.

I show up on time. And if I show up late I apologize, because my reliance on public transportation is a flaw. But certainly if it has become a problem I will begin to take an earlier bus and arrive at work half an hour ahead of schedule.

I show up in dress code, because my appearance is not only a representation of the company I work for, but it also represents my preparedness for work and answering questions to satisfaction, presenting myself as a leader in my company.

I show up ready to work. Things you will not hear from me.
I just don’t want to be here today. Because where else would you want to be today, a day in which you were scheduled to work?
I wish I were at home with my child/dog/husband/boyfriend/cat/crochet/WHATEVER. Because I feel that if your outside, personal commitments are so heavy that you cannot part from them during your scheduled time to work, to perform… perhaps you should not have accepted your position.

I don’t think I’m going to make it through my shift today. Because I feel if that is how you felt at least two hours before your shift, you should have notified you manager so other arrangements could have been made.

As an employee I feel that I am paid to not only behave but perform in a certain way. I will, when given guidance, do my absolute BEST to behave and perform at that level.

That said, I know that there is ABSOLUTELY an opportunity to ALWAYS IMPROVE.

I believe in DOING WHAT IS RIGHT. When offered a position I expect that I was promoted because I was a good fit, an ideal candidate, and that I have presented a disposition in which management believes that I am not only moldable but also a foundational component to the advancement of our company and its values.

I will do my best to educate myself so that I may tailor and emphasise the experience of my guest, giving them an opportunity to be WOW-ed and encouraged to return not only to my store, but to our company.

As an employee my primary drive is to work with others, so that we may share responsibility in have a WINNING attitude… TOGETHER we are absolutely designed to bring success not only to ourselves but to our brand.

I LOVE working. I OWN that work is not just a paycheck. I find more than monetary satisfaction in my job. I am certainly appreciative of my pay. However, my most motivational element is that my job provides development and opportunity. It is not in my objective to abandon this ship to find better pay, or “easier” work. Once I have accepted a position I will stay with this position and do my very best. Unless otherwise, professionally, notified I will continue to do said work.

What I am I NOT an ex-employee?

Angry. I’m not angry.

I am not going to trash talk my employer. When asked by those in my life, my personal realm, the details of my termination… I will absolutely be frank in regards to the way in which I was treated. Especially if that treatment plays a hand in my eventual termination. Especially if I can make note in which I was treated differently from others, or that my actions, when shared by others, did NOT result in termination for them. These sort of observations, I feel, are SIGNIFICANT notes to share with those in my personal life, as well as with human resources.

As an ex-employee I am absolutely interested in speaking to human resources.
I hope that these sort of observations are noted...in hopes that others are, professionally, not left to feel the same. Let alone, not left to find themselves as suddenly unemployed as I.

What I am, as an ex-employee?

So. Very. Surprised.

And hurt.

Professionally left without any means to provide for a personal life in which I felt I could afford given my position-- This is a lifestyle in which I only adopted because I felt I was given a promotion based on my performance and with the expectation that my team meant to support me in my continued success.

As it turns out… they were not interested in that success.

I find this detail… discouraging. Disheartening. Frustrating. So disappointing.

Ultimately, I find it unprofessional.

But I find myself to afraid to say these things… As if I am betraying those that I worked with.


What am I, as an ex-employee?

I feel that I was left in no other position… but to feel BETRAYED.

Thoughts that have been permeating in my head for a few days now. Sharing.

On David Bowie

A few people are hating on the Mourning David Bowie on social media. “You didn’t know him? How can you mourn someone you don’t know!” 

Ahem. David Bowie was never ONE person. And for some of us he was The One, the one that made us feel a musical love so deep, that we became a little at peace with ourselves, even if everything was all turmoil and broken world… there was a stillness and peace within because it had been said and it wasn’t all in our own heads. Someone else said it. So then it became real. 
I’m not crazy. I am not crazy. There’s something in the wavelengths of Heathen that makes me feel like I am not crazy. There’s something more than I’m Afraid of Americans. There’s something else rattling around… and I’m not crazy because I can hear it now. There’s more of it. For a few breathing moments, I’m not afraid. It just is. There is no undoing it. It is here. I’m aware. Now… what can I do about it. Now that I know I’m not crazy. 

Bowie was always himself. At any degree of evolution he could share that self. He was always himSELVES. And yeah, absolutely, he wasn’t actually “David Bowie” either. He was David Robert Jones. And David Robert Jones was himself too, with the people who loved him. 

David Bowie was himself for me, because I loved David Bowie. 

And a person on the planet that has enough courage to share selves, love on multiple levels, never let creativity tap out of the game… that man, that human, that existence…. it should be mourned. You can’t social media shame me because I mourn a man I didn’t know. 

He lives in my ears, traveled to my heart, admired Seu Jorge for transferring and translating vibrations that touched on new levels (I’m listening now)… I mourn that the world lost that vibration, that artistic energy, that honesty, a person that had the ability to heart clench your spaces that you thought were long forgotten, too afraid, too ignored to ever feel again. 

And suddenly, those spaces… drenched in living emotion. 

So. Yes. I mourn. 

On “Don’t be that guy.” 

Seriously. Don’t be. 

Did my best to take myself on a date, at my favorite brewery, just down the street. Took a Poets & Writers magazine with me, with every intention of sitting with a pint and reading, exploring, inspiring myself to get some more writing done. Even… *gasp* write enough to start submitting. Avi (and Jon too) when they speak to me occasionally ask, “Have you been writing? What have you been writing?” 
Because both of those gorgeous idiots know how badly I need to be writing and how gloriously different I am when I get to write. 

Anyway, I was going to give myself a basic start, to get back in the game. 

But then Drunk-o-McGee, sitting next to me, wants to start talking. Then gives the, “So you like poetry! I have a poem I like.” Then making you read a poem on their phone. And it was a good poem. I read John Milton and nodded, like a proper English Major should. “It’s a good favorite to have.” 

But then, don’t be that guy, that gets all fussy because I’m the kinda girl that gets poetry but doesn’t get all weepy at On His Deceased Wife. “Aren’t you sad?! It’s a wonderful poem!” 

Go home, dude, yer drunk! “Um. It’s just not my jam.” 

Martin Espada makes me weepy and chest thrusty. Sylvia Plath makes me I’m looking at you squinty cat eyed. Chaucer makes me horny. Carrie Murphy makes me happy and feministy. Walt Whitman makes me throb. Aaron McCollough makes me feel breath. Anne Waldman makes me feel very zen but also with a kick of angst. Richard Greenfield makes me feel smarmy. And A. Van Jordan makes me feel brainy. 

Your pick up an English Major in a brewery poet is going to be John fucking Milton? 
Fuck off. Don’t be that God damn guy. At least try to feed me some Pablo Neruda or something. You want to flirt me with me? GIVE ME SOMETHING TO FUCKING EAT. 

No, thank you, I do NOT want you to buy me a fucking drink. I’m going home. 

On wearing emotions. 

Do your best to not wear your emotions. People around you will get very distracted and read a version of yourself that is a fiction. This will make your reality very… very… very complicated. Tiring. Lonely. 

And honestly, it would be ideal if people weren’t so brain scattered that they think they have understanding of you on lock, just because they read your emotions. Because you’re a lot more than the emotions that have over powered you. 

So much more. But the more you try to “correct” them, the more they think you’re being “defensive” or “combative.” 

They’ve read what they read. No going back. 

Just breathe. 

Drink your beer and breathe, babe.